Frustrated about Frustration

I recently had a really bad week of everything. In reality in really wasn’t all that bad but it felt like it lasted 56 days and each day was 78 hours long. All my goals seemed to be so far out of reach it wasn’t even comical how far fetched they seemed. Then I got frustrated that I actually convinced myself that I could play in France or Poland, for example. Then I got frustrated that I no longer thought I could play in such leagues. Then I got frustrated that I had lost all confidence in myself. Then I got frustrated just because it seemed like the only logical thing to do. Woof — what a frusterating week. So often when we reach our goals we only focus on the outcome and never the process it took, and vice versa, when we have goals that are not met yet, the only thing we can focus on is everything that is going wrong. Part of the reason I started this blog was to track and analyze all the ups and downs, but probably more the downs, so that I can look back after reaching a goal and truly realize how much went into simply making it to a certain league. I wish I was better at stopping the domino effect but it’s still something I'm working on. Just yesterday a passing error, in my head, turned into the inability to find a contract next year… one passing error... I condemned myself for being rootless and stemless but in reality I'm a first year professional player with so much more growth than my mind can comprehend in the middle of these 78 hour long days.

J